I'm 54 and Single. And I'm Doing Just Fine. Really!

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I’m 54 and single, doing great. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to find a loving, compatible partner, but in the meantime, I’m living my life. One thing I learned in my five-plus decades on this earth is that I actually enjoy doing many things on my own.

I’ve been in love often, even if the relationships have not lasted. I have a large circle of friends and a job that involves constant social connections. Yet, I have found that I prefer intimate conversations to group gatherings, belly laughter with close friends to cocktail parties and an increasing need for downtime. Sometimes my adventures are with others and sometimes they are solo, and I am not sure which I prefer.

The older I get, the more I appreciate my quiet, reflective time. It’s how I process things and decompress; it’s the impetus for my creativity. I have my family, my teaching, my writing, my house, my cats, my travel, my life. It might not look like yours, but it certainly is rich enough for me.

Growing up in a musical family, the word "solo" has always had a positive connotation. While duets are lovely, the ultimate gold medal is reserved for just one person, the soloist, who has worked hard to achieve what others could not. This is how I see my life as a single person, but it wasn’t always this way.

I may not have mastered romantic relationships, but here are a few things I have learned about being happy with where you are as a single person.

First off, go to that reunion or get-together.

Don’t miss out on social experiences because you aren’t where you think you should be. Your friends are your friends, and they want you in their lives.

I remember my 10-year high school reunion. I went with a group of girlfriends, all dressed in black, and most were single. Things quickly changed after that, but my status has not. That doesn’t stop me from going and connecting with old friends, but for some reason, it stops others. The people with whom you come of age impact you in a way most others don’t. Let yourself be in their company. Your insecurities will soon fade away, and you will be glad you had the chance to reconnect. (And you never know how a reconnection may blossom.)

Second, stay true to your path.

While my childhood friends began to get into serious relationships, I took off for the Peace Corps. I never worried that I would miss out on meeting someone because I wanted to explore and see the world. I followed my passion and met dozens of interesting people from all over the globe.

These connections, many of which still exist today, have been an integral part of who I am. I would never trade them. While I do travel with friends and family, I often prefer to be a solo traveler because it allows me to meet so many more people. There are even sites just for women over 50 solo travelers — their stories and pictures will certainly entice you to venture out alone.

Third, sometimes you need to say no.

When you are invited somewhere and know you will really feel out of place, just say no. Maybe there are times when being the odd one out is just too much. Once, I went to a wedding of good friends. I traveled all the way to Chicago to attend and tackled numerous logistics to get there.

While it turned out to be fun, when it came time to throw the bridal bouquet, there were no other single women at the wedding — except me in my pink dress and the flower girl. I love my friends, but at the next wedding I was invited to without a plus-one option, I politely declined.

 Fourth, enjoy your freedom.

There is so much I want to do and see, I have decided that if I want to do something, I am not always going to recruit a friend to go with me. Places like museums, gardens and hikes have become so much more in-depth when I go by myself and immerse myself in the experiences. But concerts, dinners and drinks are still reserved for my besties. Some things are better with others.

Fifth, you can still have your dreams come true.

Being single forces you to learn how to be alone, which actually isn’t a bad thing. You learn how to try and master things you never would have if you had let someone do it for you. When I finally realized I wasn’t going to settle down, it did not stop me from following my dreams.

I wanted a home and was tired of waiting for someone to go in on it with me, so I just did it. I worked hard, saved my money and got myself a little place in the country. It has changed my life.

I would have never thought I could do it, but here I am building furniture, making repairs and enjoying a home of my own. Now, unloading groceries from the car by myself is another story. But, the joy of having and making a home is something I have learned to treasure, and I did it all by myself!

Yes, there are certainly some potential romances abuzz. But for now, this is my life, and I am enjoying it. I live it with the same pride as any true soloist, who earned her place through hard work and perseverance.

 
Who out there is single? Do you love your single life? Let us know in the comments below.