What I Never Imagined I'd Be Doing in My 70s

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6,728. That’s the average number of steps on my fitness app each morning. And that’s before leaving the house. The reason being, I am the caregiver for both my 100-year-old mother, physically capable of moving around but not always on the same planet I inhabit, and my handicapped husband, mentally aware but unable to walk by my side.

Inevitably, whenever I sit down to enjoy my breakfast, one of them calls for my help. More often than not, I eat while walking back and forth across the house, stopping at the kitchen table for a forkful of cold scrambled eggs and a sip of lukewarm coffee.

I never imagined that in my seventh decade I would be an expert on hospital bed maintenance or the durability of pill crushers. When my husband and I took those vows for “better or worse," I had just put my toes into my third decade. At that time, life was good, and I thought it would only get better. Anything falling into the "worse" category would include arguments over what color to paint our future house, some small disagreements on disciplining our children or what country to visit on our 50th anniversary — an anniversary approaching and a trip we will never take.

Because while we were planning our lives, a brain tumor due to Agent Orange was secretly stealing our future. As for my mom, I’m simply taking care of her, the way she took care of me. And for that matter, most everyone in her life. I’ve been caregiving for both of them for the past five years, and I know the stress, struggles and the joy of the process.

Most days go by without incident. But as the hours roll into weeks and into months, the pressure builds up like a tea-kettle about to blow. In order to keep my life manageable, I use these five coping mechanisms. And because of them, I’m a better caregiver.

1 Asking for help — At the beginning of this journey, I had a caregiver for four hours every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This was a working arrangement until my mother traveled further into her make-believe world and my husband grew weaker. I realized I needed more help. What I didn’t realize was that family and friends had already recognized my need and were waiting for me to reach out to them. Once I did, they showed up, easing my burden. It can be hard to ask for help, but life becomes so much easier once you do. And believe me, no one can do this alone.

2. Keeping Girlfriends Close — At least once a month, I try to spend an entire day or at least a night out with my friends, leaving my loved ones in the hands of capable caregivers. Whether we are shopping, walking along the beach or sipping a cocktail, I’m as far away from caregiving as being on Mars. I can always count on my girlfriends to bring laughter and comfort into my life. I may be the only one caring for a husband, but I’m certainly not the only one with problems. At times, mine may seem to loom larger, but girlfriends keep everything in perspective.

3. Martini Time — Recent studies have determined that alcohol is detrimental to our health. But from my experience, stress wreaks even more havoc on our bodies. On days when folding yet another pajama top becomes too complicated or I find myself about to swallow my dog’s joint medicine instead of my Lion’s Mane (which, by the way, claims to help memory), I shake up a cold martini and sit outside under the comfort of the Chinese Elm shading my backyard. Of course, a martini could be replaced with a cup of herbal tea or cold beer. Whatever it takes to ease the tension and bring your mind back to that happy place.

4. Daily Exercise — This is probably the most important thing I do every day. If I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of anyone else. My favorite form of exercise is swimming. The repetitive motion of going back and forth across the pool puts me into a Zen state. As my muscles work, I imagine I’m an Olympic champion going for the finish line. I’ll never win a gold medal, but I can win back my tranquil state of mind. I return home feeling refreshed and ready to face my loved ones with a smile.

5. Nighttime Binging — There is nothing like a good story to take me away from reality. Every night after tucking my loved ones into bed, I listen as their breathing falls into sync with the sounds of the house. When all is calm, I crawl into my bed with a good book or I’ll binge a streaming series, either a family drama or comedy. And until my eyes start to close and my tablet falls out of my hands and bonks me on the nose, I’m in a world far from my own.

Also, here are some great podcasts for caregivers — podcasts that will help them feel supported and sane.

I could never have predicted this would be my way of life. But I can predict that I won’t be stepping away from caregiving anytime soon. My centenarian mother still knows most everyone in our family and can read the paper for hours. And although my husband and I can’t share a cocktail overlooking the ocean, we can still hold hands and share laughter or tears while watching TV each evening.

So, while there is still quality time, I will be present for both of them, giving them the love and care they deserve. Yet, I know I must take care of myself, too.

Are any of you caring for a loved one right now? How's it going? Let us know in the comments below.