7 Tips for Better Sex With a New or Longtime Lover

Adapted from AARP’s Love After 50 (Simon & Schuster, July 2021)

You are poised to have the best sex of your life. “How can that be?” you ask yourself. After menopause, our estrogen has all but evaporated and our vaginal tissues are dry. Men’s testosterone levels are likely lower and erections are iffy, even with Viagra or Cialis. And none of us are as flexible as we used to be. Exactly.

That means you and your partner need to work together. You talk more. You collaborate. You tell each other what you can and can’t do, what feels good, what hurts and what you need in order to get off. You’re more vulnerable, more intimate, more sharing in your lovemaking than ever before.

Maybe when you were young, you had propulsive, passionate sex that exploded in orgasm. Or maybe you had so-so sex, never feeling comfortable saying what you needed. If you were long married and had raised kids, maybe you stole time for sex from the demands of work and children. Or maybe you stayed in a sexless marriage. If you were single, divorced or widowed, you, too, may have spent years with no sex at all, or had awkward trysts here and there.

Whatever your previous experiences, whether you’re 50 or 80, you now have the chance to experience sexuality in new and deeply satisfying ways. Your age and maturity, as well as the depth of emotional intimacy you can bring to your cherished new relationship, make this possible.

Here are the top lessons learned in researching my new book, Love After 50: Find It, Keep It, and Enjoy It.