What I'm Vowing to Do in 2026 to Change My Life

This is happening at a point in history when we receive daily avalanches of high-stakes news locally, nationally and globally. The tension we feel some days in crowds of people is palpable. While we cannot directly control many political systems that impact us directly and indirectly, we can control our responses to those systems, by getting involved in issues that matter to us and calmly messaging in all our communication.

When the external world appears to be high-conflict, the decision to lessen conflict in our personal and professional lives becomes a priority. This choice to lower stress in interpersonal interactions is important as we age and realize that we have a limited amount of time to live, to be with loved ones and to be productive.

As time goes on, it is becomes inevitable that we will receive  surprise health diagnoses, and grieve for deaths of friends or partners. We cannot control these changes; we can control our reactions.

According to 2024 research in The Journals of Gerontology, “Longitudinal studies show that overall sense of control is high in younger adulthood, remains stable throughout midlife, and declines in later adulthood.”

Because of this, socioemotional selectivity theory (SST) holds that older women and men value social relationships more. “As a result, older age is often related to higher rates of satisfaction with friends and family, higher levels of positive experiences with family members, and higher levels of perceived social support,” this research shows.

This type of support is helpful in stretches of high stress. A registered nurse, mother of two grown children, and grandmother of one, Mary White, 62, is going through a difficult divorce after almost 35 years of marriage.

Her 90-year-old mother, who had been dealing with ovarian cancer, recently passed. Her 91-year-old father is experiencing age-related memory loss. One of seven siblings, she helps a few nights a week with overnight caretaking for her dad.

Dealing with this barrage of difficulty that is out of her control, she looks to controlling her own reactions and behaviors calmly.

“Minimizing conflict in my life has become a very important goal,” White says. “I’m using a technique of pausing before responding or not responding.” This way she doesn’t send a hurtful message that causes a rupture with family, friends—or her soon-to-be ex.

“Reducing conflict is so beneficial and it makes you feel better,” says White, who has lost 25 pounds since November 2024, when she first separated from her spouse.

Therapy, exercise and medication are helpful, White says, as are breathing techniques and surrounding herself with a positive support network of longtime childhood friends and  college roommates in her inner circle.

A recent international study reinforces this, showing that the impact of quality “interpersonal interactions contribute to older adults’ life satisfaction.”   

Recently I had an extremely upsetting encounter with a young client. She targeted me in a group email to the entire work team, claiming everyone involved in the project felt this way. Her note was ageist and unkind, accusing me –complete with name-calling--of making errors that I was not responsible for making.

My initial reaction—after the gasping disbelief—was to lash out and debunk her email to the group. But I waited and let others respond before speaking with the team manager privately about the note’s inappropriateness and inaccuracy.

It is best to pause and deeply listen, reverting to empathy instead of a knee-jerk reaction to an offensive action. One friend routinely responds to aggressive, terse communication with a simple, “OK, heard.”

Because I’m trying to stay cool, I vow not to counter-attack, and as my late mother would say, “Don’t bark back at a barking dog.” My late father was big on the mantra, “Choose your battles.”    

“We don’t want to fully eliminate conflict because it is not really possible,” says Goldman-Wetzler. “The purpose is rather to learn how to deal with it in a way that feels most comfortable to us.”

I hear that.