What to Do When Annoying People Want to Visit

It was a visit I dreaded, with good reason. But it was worse than I feared. From the moment I picked my cousin up at the airport, she complained. The airport’s signage is terrible; it is too big, no one knows where to go to get picked up — and on and on and on.

The first evening was relatively calm. But the whining launched into turbo mode the next morning. Tragedy after tragedy: The guest apartment she had rented in my complex has no washcloth, only liquid soap, and the TV doesn’t work! The furniture is shabby!

When she ventured upstairs for breakfast, I had to keep my cat away from her — as she is allergic to cats and plants and flowers and scallops and much more.

“Plan ahead,” advises Dena Sorokin, a Denver-based psychologist in private practice, from her experience with requests from annoying wanna-be visitors. “You have prior experience with this person, so be very clear about arrangements, expectations and length of time.” Sorokin stresses that it is not necessary to make up “white lies” if you simply do not want the prospective visitor to come. “You can just say, ‘I don’t feel comfortable having overnight guests.' If they insist, just keep repeating the same words. The more they push, the more you know you are correct in saying no!"

In my case, I had no need to take care of my cousin. Rather, I should have clarified before the visit about my own lifestyle and asked about her expectations. “Make it clear,” advises Sorokin. “Do they expect you to chauffeur them around? Make their meals? We are brought up to be ‘nice’ and ‘polite.’ That can lead to a lot of problems.” She notes that this topic comes up all too often with her clients. “Be direct!" she cautions.

When I took my cousin to my favorite ice cream shop, she sampled five or six different flavors (all “too sweet"). The manager finally stood up to her. “Well, this is an ice cream and candy shop. Of course, they are sweet.”

I took her to a lovely, air-conditioned bistro, where the woman next to her had committed the crime of wearing perfume. “Doesn’t she realize that some of us have asthma?" she whispered all too loudly.

The final morning, I took her to her car rental site and felt liberated.

I decided that the silver lining is to be happy that I am not like her, that I don’t live near her and, most of all, that I do not plan to ever see her again!

My friend Lori invited an old friend to visit, and we shared some of our stories of annoying visitors. The friend came to her home for four days, and was rude, bossy, critical and impatient. “I wasn’t super looking forward to the visit, but I invited her out of maybe guilt because I had turned down taking a trip with her due to expenses,” recalls Lori. “I didn’t think it was going to be as bad as it was.”