That Time I Ran a Personal Ad in a Literary Journal

Although other ads had email addresses, this attorney only included a mailing address. I printed a few photos of myself and slipped them in the envelope with my letter.

Nothing came of it. And so nearly a year later, I was ready to take Bob’s advice and run an ad of my own in the New York Review of Books. As someone who relishes reading, smarts and worldliness, I was sure this publication had the perfect audience and that Mr. Right would finally find me.

I gave myself a budget to work with. As it cost $5.85 per word, I made my ad short and sweet. This past Feb. 28, I was surprised to receive an email from a potential suitor. As I began reading, I kept thinking that perhaps I’ve finally found my soul mate. He was well educated, in his late 50s, living in Philadelphia but willing to relocate. He was a lawyer and writer, fit and well dressed.

He wrote: “I’m mature and sophisticated, sweet-tempered, tenderhearted, devoted, and sexy. Very passionate, very romantic. I’m supportive, loyal and mature. I always ensure my partner is well cared for. I am neither jealous nor controlling. I’m empathetic and feel others’ emotions.”

It all sounded so good until I read this: “I love being nursed, and being changed. Means the world to me, and the bonding is incomparable.”

Being changed? When I questioned him about this he indicated he was AB/DL, which I immediately looked up. It stands for adult baby and diaper lover. I had never heard of this. He elaborated by writing, “My needing and wearing diapers is partly fetishistic, partly out of physical need, and partly out of emotional need.”

When I wrote back to say that I was not “into changing” diapers, he snapped back that I had hurt his feelings and typed “blocked.” Others wrote, but not many, as COVID-19 hit and events were canceled and we were all sheltering in place. The few emails that did come were from men who proved not to be a match. Why? No one else shared a fetish with me. But no one interested me.

Today I wonder why men in their 80s respond to an ad that says I’m looking for someone in their 50s or 60s. At this rate, I might be doing the same at that age. I wonder if I’ve become so set in my ways that I have little tolerance for another’s fetishes. Or have I just not found my match? The jury is out. Stay tuned.